I’ll See It When I Believe It – March 2009
I’m sure you’ve all experienced it: the cloudy, gloomy day after a string of beautiful clear skies. My first thought is-’oh well, good day to focus on stuff I have to do inside’. Then there’s another cloudy day and then another. Soon you feel as drab inside as it is outside. Until the next bright sunny day comes along you don’t realize just how low energy you had become.
I think the same thing is happening now only instead of a gloomy view from the window we have a gloomy view from our minds. In fact, one of my clients started our call out the other day by saying, “Do you have any idea how many negative people there are out there?? I’m thinking I need to get new people!” Of course, we have ample reason to feel gloomy-the economy, the….wait, I’m not going to list them all the bad stuff. That will just reinforce it. I think we need to focus less on the tragic and more on the magic.
My personal jolt of sunshine came this morning in the grocery store. Walking through the produce section I heard someone call, “Judy, is that you?” I turned to see a high school friend that I haven’t seen in I-have-no-clue-how-many years. Aside from a little gray hair, she looked exactly the same. But, more than that, she acted exactly the same. When she saw me she jumped up and down (we were both cheerleaders so we used to do that a lot) and gave me a big hug. She was beaming. I felt like the clouds were parting, the fog was lifting and the sun was poking through. We had a whirlwind of an exchange (she was holding up the check out line while she went to grab one more thing) and parted with promises of getting in touch soon. Afterwards, I felt just how far I had to sink to get back to my ‘pre-encounter’ level. Wow-what a wake up call!
Then I remembered a story that a friend of mine told me. Her granddaughter just turned 5 and, like many little girls now, had a Princess Birthday party. In addition to all the girls dressing like princesses, my friend had her niece (who is 18) stop by as a ‘visiting princess’. She was all dressed up and entertained the little girls with princess stories. The girls were in awe. The only tense moment came when the ‘visiting princess’ had to leave and all the girls insisted on coming out to see her horse-drawn coach. Thinking that the site of a Honda Accord would not fit the image very well, my friend came up with some story about how she had to leave very quickly and could not have them escort her out. The interesting thing is that the birthday girl did not even recognize her. In fact, after the party, my friend fully expected her to put it together. She never did. She just talks about how special she felt to have a real princess come to her birthday party.
I guess some might say that she really did recognize her but wanted to believe in the magic more. Or maybe, she believed in the magic so much that she really only saw a beautiful princess. What are you seeing in your life?
I think it’s time for me to believe that I can still be that energetic, beaming cheerleader. How about you? What do you believe in more: the problems, difficulties and bad news or the possibilities, the hope and the magic? Remember you will see what you believe!
Disagree or Disagreeable – February 2009
A friend, let’s call her Jane, shared something with me recently that turned out to be quite a good lesson for me so I’d like to share it with you.
She and one of her neighbors have had a pretty strong difference of opinion on something. It was one of those “neighborhood” issues. I’m sure you know what I mean: “I want shrubs not an ugly fence”, “I know you want a spotlight for security but it shines in my bedroom”-that type of thing. Their difference of opinion was actually quite strong and their disagreements sometimes got pretty heated. As a result, they weren’t exactly the best of friends. In fact, they barely spoke.
The neighbor recently got a new car. Jane looked out one evening and thought she saw the light on inside the car. She called the neighbor and said, “I’m not sure I’m seeing this right but it looks like the light is on inside your new car. I just wanted to call to let you know because I surely don’t want you to get up in the morning to a dead battery.” The neighbor curtly assured her that since she has just gotten home the light just hadn’t gone out yet.
After about 20 minutes, Jane’s phone rang. It was the neighbor. “I just wanted to thank you. You were absolutely right, the light was on. If you hadn’t have called I would have had a dead battery come morning.” Jane simply replied, “I’m so glad I could help. After all, we are neighbors, I’m sure you would have done the same for me.” After a short silence the neighbor quietly said, “Yes, yes, I would.”
When Jane first told me that I thought that was a very nice thing that she did and congratulated her for ‘taking the high road’. However, over the next week I experienced just how difficult it can be to take the high road. Since Jane shared her story, I have been “wronged” several times. Minor things, to be sure but I still felt that whatever the action was it was clearly “wrong”. In a flash, Jane’s approach jumped to my mind. I realized how difficult it is to disagree with what someone does without being disagreeable back. It’s not easy to respond with understanding and say, “I’m sure you would do the same for me.”
Why not try it yourself? You may be surprised to see how many times you “fight” with someone in your head (wasting precious energy). What would it take to accept that you disagree over one issue yet still respond with neighborly caring.
It’s Plane Now – January 2009
No, I don’t mean “plain”. I mean “plane”.
As some of you know, my husband and I travel a lot. Between his work, my work, and our family and friends, we rack up some serious frequent flyer miles. It takes a lot of schedule coordination but, when possible, if one of us goes somewhere “interesting” for work, the other tries to accompany. Sometimes we even extend the trip a day or two to enjoy a mini (very mini) vacation.
This week, my husband is in Japan. I was thinking about going with him but the airfare and flight availability decided that I would stay home. He called me when he was changing planes in LA for one more domestic conversation. “I wish you could have come with me. It would be so much fun” he said. I replied, “It would be nice but you know what part I miss the most? The plane ride.” He agreed!
I know—you think we’re totally nuts. I mean, the part that most people would dread the most is all those hours in the plane. I admit that much of the joy of travel is a thing of the past and getting to your destination is the really exciting part but the time on the plane??
We talked about why we like to be on long plane rides together: time to nap, read, listen to music, talk, do crossword puzzles together. No errands to run, chores to do, phone calls to make, e-mails to respond to, no TV shows where we only talk during commercials. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could have plane time at home? Let’s see, what would it take? Turn off the TV, let voice mail pick up, turn off the computer, leave errands and chores for another day. Get out the books, music, and settle in. This could work! We could even put our carry on under the coffee table in front of us! Okay, maybe that’s going too far but you get the idea.
How about you? Do you have an oasis? A place or time that you could recreate in your own home? You only need to recognize when you need it and turn off the interruptions. It’s so easy-it’s plane-ly clear.
Freedom – October 2008
The inspiration for this newsletter is the economy-or, more accurately stated, a conversation I had with two colleagues about the economy. However, I was afraid that if I put that in the subject, you would not have opened the e-mail. And, before you are tempted to sign off now, the topic is truly more about Personal Freedom than the Economy, more about Hope than Disaster Planning.
I don’t have to detail for you the many concerns and fears that exist about the current economic situation. You’ve heard the same stories and felt the same feelings. What I’d like to do today is to remind you of the power that you have to take charge of your life and to make a difference in someone else’s.
I haven’t been able to find who said it but a favorite quote of mine is particularly applicable now: “We must look for the opportunity in every difficulty instead of being paralyzed at the thought of the difficulty in every opportunity.“
Looking for opportunity is what my colleagues and I did in our short conversation yesterday. First, I’d like to share some facts:
- Our brains are basically lazy – which is not necessarily a bad thing. When we learn something new it takes a lot of effort. However, once we figure it out we create a pattern for it in our mind so that the more we do something, the easier it is and the less effort it takes. Now is a time to ask your brain to think differently.
- Creativity sometimes becomes just another version of the same old, same old instead of a true break through of something different. Today is the time for true creativity-not just a new spin on an old idea.
- Change takes effort (which we frequently want to avoid) and may mean letting go of the familiar to grab onto something less sure (which we DEFINITELY want to avoid). We may need support and guidance to make the changes that we need to.
It is becoming clear that we, as a country and as individuals, NEED to do something different now. My colleagues and I were encouraged by the fact that, with the current challenges we face, people are more willing to explore a change. And, in many ways, the changes that we see people exploring are those that bring them more independence, control, and family-focus: alternative health care methods, growing their own food, foregoing the extravagant children’s birthday parties for an old fashioned picnic with party games.
Which brings me to the Call to Action:
What can YOU do to make some changes in your life or business that will bring you closer to what you most value, be more economical and, perhaps use your talents and skills to help someone else?
I’d like to offer some resources to help you answer that question:
Be Inspired:
Something that I revisited today and found truly inspirational was the speech that J.K. Rowling gave to the 2008 Harvard graduating class. If you need some inspiration, I highly recommend listening to (or reading) this 20 minute speech: http://harvardmagazine.com/go/jkrowling.html
Be Economical:
One of my colleagues, Tonya Ensign, has a phenomenal business: Emagine Green. She provides education and products for living a more “green” life. An additional benefit is that many of the products will help you to save money and be more independent (For instance, I plan to explore her organic tomato plants that I can grow indoors.) Check her out at www.emaginegreen.com
Be Centered:
My other colleague, Cathy Brennan, is a coach who focuses on helping you get more in touch with what is most important to you so that you can live each day more consciously. Check out her new program, Everyday Consciousness, at www.pathwayscoach.com/edc.html
Be Clear:
I have searched for what I can do to help people reposition themselves for success in these challenging times. Through my one-on-one coaching I help my clients create a clear personal vision so that they can attain amazing results. You already know that I offer complimentary consultations if you are considering coaching with me. If you contact me and reference this article, in addition to the complimentary consultation, I will offer you a reduced rate on your first coaching package.
Finally, if you have any questions or suggestions for other resources, send them to me and I will share them in my next newsletter.
Lessons from the Tour: Set Your Pace – June 2008
This is going to be one of those weeks that everything hits at once. It’s exciting because it’s everything that I love to do. AND it’s overwhelming: client meetings, presentations, and even discussions about the potential for a new radio show. All of that happens in 4 days and across 3 states (thankfully it’s only 2 time zones). I can feel my adrenaline pumping just thinking about it: what if the plane is late or cancelled? Will I have time to get to the airport after my last meeting? Will my energy last through the entire week?
You know exactly what I’m talking about, don’t you? I love it but I have to ask myself: what was I thinking when I booked it all into 4 days?
On Sunday I decided to take a break and watch the Tour de France: Stage 9. There was something so satisfying about watching someone else pedal like crazy while I comfortably sat in my favorite chair. If you are not familiar with the Tour, this year it runs from July 5 through July 27 and consists of 21 stages. Sunday’s stage was a high mountain stage through the Pyrenees-definitely a challenge! It consisted of several flat sections with some medium peaks and two high climbs for a total of 225 kilometers. One of the riders was interviewed prior to the ride and asked what he thought his chances for success were. He responded that he ‘certainly wasn’t going to tell himself anything negative’ and went on to say that he was sure he was prepared for the upcoming stage and would do very well. The interviewer then asked what his strategy was for the day. He said that during the flat sections he would keep a good pace but not expend all of his energy there since he would need it for the two mountain climbs. He went on to say that he needed to stay focused on the path in front of him, put previous stages out of his mind, and not think too far ahead.
Later in the day the parallel between how he was handling the stage and how I could be handling my “peak week” hit me. How about you? Do you have a strategy to ensure peak performance during your peak activity?
Putting It in Action:
When you know that you have a challenging Peak coming up:
- Pay attention to how you talk and think about the challenge. Do you focus on how difficult and crazy it will be, how exhausted you will get, and all the things that could wrong? The next time you face a challenging ’stage’ think about how well prepared you are and that you have every chance to succeed.
- Usually before an extraordinarily busy time, there is a slightly calmer time. Knowing that you are going to be very tied up during the busy time, you may be tempted to squeeze as much as possible in before the “crunch”. However, that just ensures that you are already tired and frazzled before your challenge even begins. Instead, pace yourself. Get the most important things accomplished and conserve enough energy during the ‘flat stage’ for the challenging climb ahead.
- Stay focused on the task at hand without letting previous attempts or future challenges sap your energy or divert your attention.
(By the way, the rider’s strategy worked great for him. He moved up a place in the overall standings that day. I’ll let you know how it works for me!)
Announcements:
One of the most frequent challenges I hear from my clients is “I need to manage my time better”. Since I hear the same things from friends and family, I think it is safe to say that time management is on everyone’s development plan. Since most people that know me put me on the top of their “most-organized-people” list, I decided to share some of my strategies with everyone in an e-course It’s About Time. In this course, I will go beyond the lessons that you get with your favorite day timer and share tips about how to plan your time, how to live with time, and how to create more time. The course will have tips to read and tools to use. It will be available in the fall-so stay tuned.